The Time Jaune Accidentally Got Nora Pregnant
by Troumvirate
Summary: Because I love Nora's Arc.


Oh man. Remember the time I briefly mentioned the title of this story in another story of mine? That's what writers call "foreshadowing". It was all part of the master plan.

So. Jaune had just gotten done vigorously masturbating because he's surrounded by beautiful women all the time. For real though, I haven't seen a single ugly chick in RWBY yet. So Jaune jerks his meat like two or three times a day because he has to get it out. Imagine if he went into one of those sparring matches against a girl and had a huge boner the whole time. How embarrassing.

Anyway, since this is Remnant and not Earth, circumcision isn't a thing. So all the sperm residue on the tip of his filthy uncircumcised Euro-cock got smeared all over the toilet seat one day when he went to go take a shit. What must it be like for four teenagers to share a toilet anyway? Does Beacon have a cleaning staff that goes into the rooms and cleans things while students are in class? Are the students responsible for cleaning their own shit (literally)? Bathrooms get really messy. Especially if you're a guy and you accidentally spray piss in a random direction.

So like I was saying. There's a toilet seat with Jaune's jizzum on it now. And Nora was the next to go and use it. Don't ask me how this next part happened, because I'm not a biologist. But when she sat down on the toilet, because she's a girl, her snatch rubbed all over the front of the toilet seat, and like a dry sponge hungry for Ren's Asian Alfredo Sauce, soaked up the potent Arc spermatozoon that had spawned eight children.

It took a few weeks for Nora to realize what had happened. But once she had, and upon realizing that it wasn't Ren's kid, she took Magnhild and slammed it into her own stomach to force a miscarriage. The only bun in her oven would be her Sweet Asian Teriyaki Chicken Embryo courtesy of her partner.

This shocking turn of events shocked Pyrrha, who, shockingly and eventfully, ripped the toilet seat off of its hinges and began to enthusiastically grind it against her exposed cunt in hopes of getting an Arc baby of her own inside of her. Unfortunately as it turned out, the only thing she was impregnated by was a case of Ren's syphilis, which he had caught one night at the gay bath house he frequented on weekends. And you people wondered why he was never interested in Nora? There's your answer. I mean, come on. What kind of guy has a streak of pink hair like that? Faggots, that's who. And for once I'm not talking about bundles of sticks.

So the thing about syphilis is that it's treatable, but if you don't then it can be fatal. It can also cause you to lose your mind. But since Ren is one of those losers who doesn't believe in medicine, and instead trusts in the healing properties of herbs and spices like he's the fucking Colonel from KFC, he isn't treating his disease. Turns out that's how his parents died too. They died of like, stubbing their toes and they got infected and shit. But then Ren was so embarrassed by their stupidity that he invented a story about a huge Stretch Armstrong Grimm monster to make his backstory seem cool. Newsflash. It's still not cool. What a waste of volume 4 screentime.

So I'm not going to speculate here, but I think that this syphilitic insanity is what made Pyrrha go and commit suicide via Cinder. She had to be insane if she decided to go off and challenge the girl who just murdered the headmaster of Beacon Academy to a duel like this is Yu-gi-oh or something. Turns out that Cinder played her trap card: Sniping Arrow. This card activated only when an effect is activated that would destroy a Spell or Trap Card you control. Negate the effect and destroy t hat card. Then, you can Special Summon one "Fancy Hero Freya" from your hand or deck.

So yeah. Pyrrha got arrowed, and then sent to the Shadow Realm. That means all those conspiracy nuts out there who keep saying "Pyrrha can come back!" still have hope. Because anyone can come back from the Shadow Realm.

Uh... usually I have some point about the fandom I'm trying to make in these stories. Let me go take a look at the RWBY Subreddit real quick to find a topic. More art. Fight scenes. Pacing issues. I got nothing. Fuck, this is a boring hiatus.

Then Team JNPR all died of syphilis. Thanks, Ren.

The lesson here, don't be an anti-vaxxer. This public service announcement has been brought to you by a guy who writes dumb RWBY shitposts.

The end.


End file.
